Just Beyond that Doorway Lies…

If there is one full stop that we keep banging against at every turn, and some will say, almost in every moment in life, it is the sense and the feeling of not being good enough. It can be an overwhelming grayness that threatens to spin us into the 3 Ds – despair, depression and disappointment. It has a remarkable ability to pop up in the most ordinary of situations and is there in full force when there’s a crisis, a disagreement, an unanticipated change. It is what negates our every attempt towards self empowerment.

In our day-to-day life, we almost never notice it as it stands sentinel to the doorway of greater potential and magical expansiveness. Most of us have spent lifetimes under its totally constraining influence. Until we finally come to a lifetime in which we are ready to reclaim our glorious essence and march past the sentinel that has been more a product of our minds than a reality. The time is now and the place is here to consign this image of self into the purifying fire of broader truth.

What if They See the Real Me?

John* had everything going for him. Everyone who admired him thought so. He did well and forged his way to the top of his field… till one day, he had a meltdown. The expectations, his own and others who relied on him for a living, got to be too much for him and the ‘demon’ that he had managed to keep under control for so long, sprang loose and wreaked havoc with his thinking, his relationships, his business, in short, all aspects of his life. He took to drugs to escape this massive hollowness, to try to regenerate his creative flow. Was he really enough or would people see through the cracks in his façade of self-confidence that he had managed to paper over so well? Eventually he found someone who helped him regain his self-worth and based it on the solid foundation of who he really was. His creativity resurfaced, but more than that was the tremendous sense of well-being and authenticity. Today, he is an inspiration to all who are lost and seek to find themselves.

Why Don’t I See Myself as Enough?

The effects of this extreme form of self-judgment are erosive on so many levels – in the expression of talents, business or any other work. Relationships suffer. As do our bodies. We just cannot believe others when they tell us how they perceive us. They may tell us we are very talented, very lovable, truly fabulous and how much we mean to them, but we don’t trust them. We think they’re biased because they are family or close friends. And relationships that could have so much more depth and intensity lack fulfillment due to our inability to know ourselves as more.

Most importantly for us, this is the one judgment that keeps us from knowing that we are Source. This is the massive detachment that keeps us small and fearful. We cut ourselves away from that supportive, exhilarating knowing that actually has the power to transform everything in our lives. In short, we destroy ourselves with judgment.

This sense or feeling may have developed and become compounded over lifetimes, or just the experiences in our childhood may give rise to it. Yet we insist on clinging to these experiences and their imprints in us. Is there a way out? Can we reclaim ourselves and throw away the dead wood that blocks infinity?

*Name changed to protect privacy